Swingers: Need to Know

I have been invited to be in a swingers club with a party taking place at the Vanilla Alternative in St Neots, Cambridgeshire, but to this date, it hasn’t happened and never will. That’s just not my scene. Having said that, what you do with your sex life, that’s totally your call to make and you shouldn’t be judged if that’s your scene. But let’s talk about a few things. Keep in mind, I am not a swinger, I have just been researching it for this time with you.

Things To Do:

Make very very sure that your partner is on the same place with you, if there is one. Don’t just come in one day and declare it, talk with him or her about it, think it through, and sleep on it, by all means. This is a very serious thing to embark upon and should be treated as such. This relationship’s swinging experience will only work if both of you are into it. If you start it and one isn’t into it, stop immediately and go home where you can regroup. It could be that it just isn’t for your relationship.

If it seems to be fun but one doesn’t like the partner of the other, keep in mind that this is all about communication and should be addressed ASAP. Make a word or signal that both of you know so if a veto is needed, you can announce it to the other without making a scene. If you don’t like to talk to your partner, squash swinging and stop it now. This relies on communication, so talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. So what if you don’t like to rehash things, this is not the time to be so dramatic, just talk it out already.

Are you jealous? Make sure you sort this out, always sort out your feelings personally and as a couple before launching your lives into swinging. If you are the jealous type, either find a way to work around it, or stay away from that scene.

Always, always, always practice safe sex, especially if the plan is to bring others into your marriage. No need to bring any STDs into a clean marriage. Be safe, be mindful, and ask your partners, and don’t worry, it will make them feel better too, knowing that you are mindful of that issue.

Things Not To Do:

Do not try and talk your partner into something they just can’t wrap their head around. At the very absolute last resort, feel free to let them know that this is something that you are interested in, but let it be known that it doesn’t make your marriage or break it.

Do not try and hide it from your partner, it never ends well at all. And they always find out, nothing is private or personal these days, nothing at all. So if your partner isn’t into it and you are and she goes away on a meeting, don’t do it! Talk with her first and see what she thinks about it, and who knows, she may love the idea and want to swing with you, or on her own.

Do not start swinging thinking it’s going to fix a downhill relationship. Seriously, that isn’t going to fix a failing marriage, not even for a minute. If you think it will, maybe you should read about other couples failed experiences, they are out there.

Know that this is NOT for everyone. Swinging is a very serious and intimate thing and involves the most private parts of your relationship. It can be a serious turn on, but if your partner isn’t in agreement, then it is probably best not to push it. If they come around, and want to talk about it, don’t assume it’s a done deal, make sure, always!!

Do not cross boundaries, and that’s important. Make sure that you and your partner have boundaries. This isn’t the same thing as being on the same page, it is about having boundaries. If you have an open relationship, this is fine, just always make sure that you both know and stick to, the boundaries.

Some Fun Facts:

As I was researching this, I found a few fun things that I had never heard of, but now that I know, will change a few things I do.

  • Pampas Grass is a sign that you are a swinger. Or maybe it is just a myth. But one woman tells of her experience and it was very much real. She planted a few of these in her front garden and she had a lot of unwanted visitors wanting some really odd things. She took them down. Some call it similar to 70s kitsch.
  • Pineapples on your doorsteps means you swing. Ok, right after I post this, I am going to take my pineapple plant off my front porch. Can you imagine my husband’s face??¬† The pineapple signifies¬† welcoming and hospitality. Many swingers place one in the porch or on their mailbox to signify that a swinger party is going on! Put one upside down to signify that you are in the search for a swinger party. If you come home and see one of the sweet fruits on your porch, someone is inviting you to a swinger party.
  • A garden gnome, yes that’s what I said, as sweet as they may look, are a calling card that you are into swinging.

If you are a swinger curious couple, do your research, you can find the tools to use to make sure you are looking in the right directions. Look up Singer codes or whatever on Google, it will make your hunt drastically better.